What’s on your mind?
So, are you going crazy, yet? I know I am ready to be out of this house! The fun is over. Being home in my jams has it’s perks (Like being at home, in my jams) But. Now I am restless. All I want to is to be with my PEOPLE!
Anyone else out there?
Here’s something I am learning about myself: I am the QUEEN of noise. What does that mean? I am not talking about me singing loudly in the shower (Although that does happen) or banging pots throughout the house or something like that. I have found that I am someone who ALWAYS is listening to something. When I am driving, I listen to podcasts or music. When I am cleaning or cooking or doing something around the house, I am listening to a podcast or I am catching up with a family member. When I have some time to myself, I catch up on my favorite show or put a sermon on to listen to. When I go to bed, I have white noise playing to help me fall asleep. I even play rain sounds on my phone sometimes just to get calm enough to sleep.
You probably think I am crazy at this point. You either are thinking to yourself, wait… I do that too, or you are thinking, that girl needs HELP.
Maybe you don’t play podcasts in the background every spare minute. But maybe you have different noise. Maybe it’s not ACTUAL noise, but the hustle and bustle of life. This could look like a full schedule that you typically hide behind. Maybe you have a stack of things that you normally turn to when you’re bored on normal days, but at this point in the quarantine you’ve burned through and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Or maybe your life has gotten even crazier the past few weeks and you WISH you had the chance to slow down like the rest of us.
Here’s what I know about our world today. We are not used to the quiet. We are not comfortable in silence. Noise is so normal, we don’t even really think about it anymore. Whether that’s the noise of busyness or responsibility, or actual noise you are listening to, seldom are we alone in the normal cadence of life. Rarely are we alone with ourselves long enough to face what is happening inside of us.
And if you are like me, that is what is happening to you.
Let me explain a scenario. You are at home. Living that quarantine life. You are cleaning or picking out a new pair of sweats for the day and all of a sudden, a thought comes in to your mind. “Man. I wonder how so-in-so ex boyfriend is doing” or maybe something like “Man. I wish I didn’t look like that” while looking down at your belly while sitting on the couch bingeing your favorite show. So maybe you book mark a workout video, or slam someone’s Instagram to scratch the itch, and get back to your life.
But somehow, the thoughts keep coming. You find yourself in a state of mind that maybe you haven’t been in YEARS. You are thinking about yourself in a way that you thought you had worked through. You are wishing you were with someone that is no longer in your life. You start feeling and thinking in an old way.
Here’s the deal. We all have triggers. We all have things we struggle with and pasts that haunt us. In silence, sometimes things can resurface that we thought we had dealt with eons ago.
Listen. This may be completely unconscious. You may see the signs by realizing you are speaking more harshly to yourself or to others. You may have re downloaded an app that you swore you would never download. Maybe you find yourself in a dark place that you don’t know how you ended up there, or know how to get out.
Let me tell you what has been going on with me- maybe you can relate to it, or the premise of it.
Over the past few weeks, I have been noticing some behavior in myself that is just not… me. It’s shown up in critical thoughts toward myself, but specifically around my body. My weight.
Now there’s something you need to know about me here. I dealt with eating disorders in high school, and had crippling insecurity that drove me to it. I felt so insecure and unhappy about certain things in my life, and that drove me to try to control what I was eating and how I looked.
Now, I did a lot of work to move past that and I have not dealt with critical thoughts about my body in years. But recently, I have noticed them coming up more and more.
Now hear me out- I am not heading back into those behaviors, these are just critical thoughts about how I look and how many rolls my belly has. I recently had a wake up call that those thoughts did not come from a place of health, or of a sound mind like the Bible talks about. They were coming from feeling like there are things in my life that are out of control, therefore, my mind is naturally trying to find the thing that I can control instead.
But the truth is this- I can control my thoughts and what I allow myself to say to myself about myself, or about other people. I can control my attitude.
Maybe you are feeling more anxious right now. Maybe you are feeling depressed.
And maybe you are feeling bad about feeling that way. Or frustrated.
If you are reading this and you find yourself in this place, here is what i want you to do.
BREATHE.
Take a deep breath. Release the tension in your chest.
Facetime someone and tell them about how you are feeling.
Write it down.
and while you’re at it, write down something that made you smile today.
Here’s why I’m telling you this- if we do not take control of our thoughts, we can end up spiraling into a place that we climbed out of long before now. I am not saying if I don’t take control of my thoughts, I will start skipping all my meals, but those thoughts don’t bring me to a place that i want or need to be. There just isn’t any good that comes from thinking like that.
I am not writing this to condemn you. You are not a bad person for having thoughts like this. Everyone is susceptible to having old behaviors or thoughts creep in. That also doesn’t mean that you are a failure and did not do the work to get past it!
We are in a season and time where some things need to be mourned and grieved, and that is OKAY. But that is not what I am talking about here. What I am talking about here, is allowing old mindsets to creep in and bring you down.
The way to work against those is to acknowledge them, and focus on the truth of the situation.
Ask yourself these questions:
What can I control in this scenario? What is true about this situation?
You have the ability to take control of your thought life and not let it run amuck. You can stop old thoughts in their tracks and hold them up to the truth and examine what they are saying to you.
Friend, God does not condemn you. He does not steal your joy and your peace. He does not put fear in your heart.
Philippians 4:8-9 (TPT) says this:
8 So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God,[i] praising him always. 9 Follow the example of all that we have imparted to you and the God of peace will be with you in all things.
We will talk about grief another day. What I want to tell you now, friend, is that you have control of what you decide to focus on and marinate in within your thought life. Don’t get caught up in an old mindset or a lifestyle. Hold your ground! Be aware, and do your part to acknowledge and reframe those thoughts in your head.
Girlfriend, you are beautiful. You are capable. You are strong, and you are fierce.
You are BRAVE.
Focus on that. Focus on the fact that you are loved. You are wanted. We just celebrated a weekend that was about Jesus giving his life for YOU. Because you are worth it. You are worthy of all the pain and suffering he went through. He did that for you because you are so incredibly valuable. Every part of you was carefully crafted by a loving, caring Savior.
Be gentle with yourself. Have grace for yourself. Know that you are meant for great things and are worth great love.
Stay brave, babes. xoxo
